haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
