I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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