At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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