You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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