apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
