he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
