Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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