I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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