So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
