i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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