Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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