nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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