I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
