I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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