dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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