I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
