im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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