i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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