You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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