What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
