yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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