she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
