Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
