do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
