The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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