Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
