glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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