i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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