I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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