the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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