"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
