It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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