Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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