No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
