Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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