this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
