I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
