the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
