Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
