Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
