I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
