She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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