so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
