no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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