My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I pour the whiskey from now on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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