my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
