he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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