did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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