so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
