Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
