Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
