I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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