My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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