i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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