remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
