CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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