Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
