Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
