i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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