Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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