1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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