Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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